Loraine Diehl, 95, lost her desire for life after a fall, but her drive to be a presence in the lives of her family and friends aided her recovery.
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Loraine Diehl writes letters to her friends Regina Peters and Muriel Miller. Diehl sends letters to Peters in red marker with large letters to help Peters read them. (YORK DAILY RECORD/SUNDAY NEWS - PAUL KUEHNEL)
York, PA -When Sarah Diehl struggled in college, she knew there was one woman who could help her regain her footing.
When Regina Peters -- at age 101 -- fell and broke her back, her family called in hospice care. But one woman thought Peters had more to live for.
When Becky Detwiler's business partner was ready to call it quits and it looked like her bed and breakfast was going under, the impact of one woman brought the business back to life.
Loraine Diehl is a matriarch for her family, compass for friends and cheerleader for anyone who's taken a fall in life.
Then Loraine had a nervous breakdown in 2011 -- at age 93 -- and lost her desire for life. She would need the same support she'd given to others to make it through.
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As a child, Sarah and her younger brother, Lucas, spent a week every summer in York with their grandmother, Loraine, baking, creating art projects, singing and quizzing each other's spelling.
As Sarah grew older, the visits became less frequent but were replaced by her grandmother's letters.
Through college, the letters kept coming, always emphasizing the importance of a loving family.
"She sent me solid advice, and that was really special to have," Sarah said. "She exemplified working hard to reach your goals."
While Sarah was at Yale, she hit a wall as she struggled to find herself and her passions. Loraine encouraged her to concentrate on her interests rather than expectations of others, Sarah said.
"Everyone can forget to remember, but no one can remember to forget," Loraine wrote.
The constant exchange of letters helped Sarah to find her motivation and graduate in 2009.
And all of Loraine's advice came with an ounce of perspective to remind Sarah that even the careful words of a loved one might not be the best counsel.
Loraine would conclude: "I know it doesn't amount to a hill of beans."
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Loraine,
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Loraine Diehl, left, visits with Muriel Miller, who was her neighbor at Village at Sprenkle Drive in Manchester Township before Diehl moved. (YORK DAILY RECORD/SUNDAY NEWS - PAUL KUEHNEL)
95, was born in Pleasureville in January 1918, "in the middle of a snowstorm," Loraine said.
The youngest of three children, Loraine grew up surrounded by cousins but spent most of her time with her father.
A jolly soul, Charles would let his kids sit in a corner of the cigar factory where he worked with his wife, rolling cigars. Rather than playing with her siblings, Loraine paid attention.
"I can tell you how to make a cigar," Loraine said.
It was her father's generosity more than manual tasks that rubbed off.
When Loraine's sister couldn't make mortgage payments, Charles kept the bank from taking the house. He cut his own expenses back to support them.
"Loraine was heavily influenced by her father,"
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Loraine Diehl, right, talks with Regina Peters. Diehl helped Peters recover after she fell and broke a vertebrae. (YORK DAILY RECORD/SUNDAY NEWS - PAUL KUEHNEL)
said Detwiler, a friend of the family, and Loraine's caretaker. "The parent you talk about the most, that's the one who made a mark on you."
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Regina Peters, 102, doesn't move as quickly as she did a few years ago. But she lights up when her friend Loraine comes to visit.
The two women met in their 90s at the Village at Sprenkle Drive, a Lutheran Social Services senior residence in Manchester Township, when their bodies were slowing down but their minds were still active.
Along with their friend and fellow resident, Muriel Miller, they played cards, shared letters and studied the Bible.
"When they're together, they're like little schoolgirls," Detwiler said.
Almost every week, Detwiler drives Loraine to Sprenkle from her residence at the Village at Kelly Drive. And when Loraine can't visit, she writes letters to Peters and Miller.
Their friendship not only keeps Loraine and Peters happy, it helps keep them alive.
In 2011, Peters fell and fractured her vertebrae.
"She was in a lot of pain and said she wanted to die," said Barry Peters, one of Peters' three sons.
Hospice care was called in, and Peters' family prepared for the end.
But Loraine saw that something was left in Peters' life.
"Loraine was there for her," Barry said. "They have a very close, religious friendship."
Loraine visited every day and helped Peters see the value of holding on. Slowly, Peters improved.
"You
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Diane Diehl, left, and Loraine Diehl share a special moment on Diane's wedding day. A hand-written letter from Loraine to the groom, her grandson, Kermit Diehl, helped the couple make the decision to get married. (Submitted)
told me, 'If you say you're good, you'll feel good,'" Peters said to Loraine as the two reminisced on a recent weekly visit.
"I'm thankful that I still have you," Loraine said to Peters.
"And I'm thankful that I still remember who you are," Peters said as they broke out in belly laughter.
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As Loraine grew older, she planned for the days when she would need extra care. Loraine's husband, Pete, died in 1997, just a few years after they sold their home and moved into an independent residence with Lutheran Social Services.
Loraine then kept two bedrooms open for visitors.
"After watching her grandchildren for years every summer, they would bring her great-grandchildren to come and stay in the cottage with her," said Marion Hostetler, Loraine's daughter.
When Loraine decided she was too old to drive, she gave up her license and sold her car to her grandson, Kermit Diehl.
"She knew she had to stop driving, and it benefited someone she loved," Hostetler said.
When Loraine decided to move into a smaller space in 2008, she sold her furniture to her grandchildren and switched to an apartment at the Village at Kelly Drive.
Her children still visited regularly, but they needed somewhere to stay.
Hostetler found the number of the Friendship House Bed and Breakfast in York and called.
Detwiler answered. Her business partner had recently decided she wanted to take a step back from the bed and breakfast, and Friendship House was not taking any new clients. But this family sounded different, special, Detwiler said.
After their first visit, Detwiler and Hostetler bonded.
"I adopted Marion as a sister," Detwiler said.
And soon, the whole family accepted Detwiler as a Diehl.
Diehl siblings, kids and grandkids were staying at Friendship House every six to eight weeks, Detwiler said. Loraine was doing well and adjusting to her new accommodations.
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Then came something Loraine hadn't planned on.
She fell and hit her head.
At the hospital, every ache and pain overwhelmed her. Simple decisions frustrated her to tears. Wrapped in the fetal position in her bed, Loraine stopped participating in life.
Physically she improved, but mentally she gave up, Detwiler said."I think she was really scared," Hostetler said. "She lost her desire to live and all of her confidence."
Loraine's family saw the unusual behavior and called upon Detwiler to help care for Loraine, Hostetler said.
Detwiler began visiting Loraine four days a week driving her on errands, bringing her supplies and raising her spirits.
"It was kind of awkward at first, but I made a point to be upbeat and positive every time I went in that room," she said.
Detwiler mirrored Loraine's signature love and energy back to her, which allowed Loraine to find the strength to rediscover herself.
"(My siblings and I) try to visit as often as we can, but Becky is the reason that Mom's still as healthy and happy as she is," Hostetler said.
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After Loraine's breakdown and recovery, she lived for the present.
Death could be close, if she let it.
She knew that if her family and friends were happy, she could leave life peacefully.
"Mom was always a low-key person," Hostetler said. "She never really let her opinion known unless she was asked. But after (the accident) she started speaking her mind."
Loraine's grandson, Kermit, had been dating his then-girlfriend, Diane, for nearly a decade. They lived together and honored their commitment, but never married.
"It preyed on Mom that they were living together, but not married," Hostetler said. "'If they're in love enough, why not get married?' she said."
So one evening before bed, Loraine wrote a letter to Kermit and Diane.
"It's now my bedtime, but I must get this off my mind so I can go to sleep," Loraine wrote. "And I'm not going to beat around the bush. I'm too old to beat around the bush about anything. And I know Pete would want me to do this...I sure would be happy if you two would get married."
It was what Kermit needed to move forward, said Jackie, Kermit's mother.
"When grandmother thought it was a good idea, he realized he was ready," she said.
Kermit and Diane married at Loraine's nursing home, Kermit said, so she could witness the union she inspired.
About Loraine
Loraine's mother wanted to name her Gladys. To thank the doctor who had ridden over on his horse for the birth, she allowed him to pick her new daughter's name. On Loraine's baptism certificate, her name was misspelled, so the second "r" was dropped, officially.
The youngest of three children, Loraine showed academic aptitude and skipped two grades, although she was kept back in seventh grade when deemed "too young" to start high school.
After high school, Loraine attended Thompson Business School in York thanks to a loan from her aunt.
Run out of the Knights of Columbus building on North George Street, Loraine studied full time for about a year and finished up in night classes.
"After I graduated, I tried to pay her back, but she wouldn't take it," Loraine said. "So, I took (the money) and bought three dresses."
Loraine became a stenographer at Edison Light and Power.
On Oct. 12, 1940, Loraine married Howard "Pete" Diehl.
Per the societal customs of the day, Loraine was expected to quit her job when she married. But she fought the tradition and received a "special exception" to continue working, she said.
Just a few months later, Loraine found out she was pregnant.
Together, Loraine and Pete built a strong family. In six years, they had three children before taking an 11-year "vacation," Loraine said, before their fourth child.
"At that point we figured, that's enough," Loraine said.